How to avoid sounding arrogant when you make music

The armor of aggressive confidence is built up to protect a vulnerable heart.

You can hear such innocent arrogance in practice rooms and performances across the world.

I remember feeling so intimidated by a particular horn player at Northwestern.

I never knew which member of the horn studio it was; but I knew their SOUND.

Their loud technical warmups - brassy, militaristic, showy - would sonically penetrate every crevice of the music practice building. [Music school folks - we all have heard this person, right?]

My heart would shrink. I hated myself when I heard them play.

What were they trying to prove to themselves or others?

Back then I didn’t understand.

They were trying to blast away their insecurity, but ended up projecting it outward, vibrating the cells of every listener within range.

Their own self-loathing - a byproduct of typical Western music education - entrained and activated the same in my nervous system.

Now, I believe all of us are naturally empathic.

We are able to pick up on the emotions of another through their voice. It’s kinda important... Unless you're a psychopath.

So who still doesn’t realize that their instrument is also their voice?!

Our playing or singing amplifies our state of being, for others to sense and connect with.

That’s a deep function of music.

It's why it can be so healing, so magical, so contagiously fun!

What to do when feelings of insecurity, fear, shame, self-loathing come up?

Don’t try to push it away.

Integrate it.

Here’s how:

Acknowledge, accept, allow, appreciate the feeling.

It’s here as a gift.

Consciously decide to translate it into sound.

For example, here are some common feelings and how to translate:

Insecurity or Fear

Turn it into a fabulous shimmer of anxiety, vulnerability, and dedication to what you value in music-making.

Annoyance or Frustration

Put more edge and grit into your sound, double down on what you’re passionate about.

Shame or disappointment

Allow a dolorous color in your tone, a dark muted downward cast. It will captivate audiences and connect them in a healing way to their own dark moments.

There is obviously a LOT more on the spectrum.

Various strategies in different genres will be more or less useful.

One of my superpowers is helping musicians to become conscious of, and embrace their entire mind/body/emotion ecosystem.

And then refine it into beautiful, meaningful music.

A few simple practices go a long way. (DM me if you want details)

How do you handle your full spectrum of emotions in practice or on stage?

(and how many of you have heard THAT player???)

[photo: me feeling very happy & secure, sharing some horn playing my last day as a software engineer at Evernote, right before playing a week w/ Philadelphia Orchestra].